Understanding Rejection Sensitivity
Are you your own harshest critic? Do you hesitate, avoid, or pass up opportunities to start projects for fear of failure?
Do you assume the worst in common interactions, concerned that you will be scolded or fired every time you are called into your boss’ office?
These can be momentary; we all have tough days. If these are consistent – or constant – then it might be interesting to gain an understanding of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD).
RSD can manifest in a hypersensitivity to criticism, leading to feelings of being overwhelmed and misunderstood. For those dealing with RSD, the perception of neutral or even constructive feedback can feel like rejection. Rejection can intensify emotional responses and exacerbate the impact of criticism on self-esteem and self-doubt. Even mild criticism can be deeply painful and may feel like a personal attack (Carley, 2023).
Have you ever felt that way? Or worked with someone who seemed to feel that way? Rejection sensitivity can be common and state-based, whereas RSD might be a more constant trait (Cleveland Clinic, 2023).
Note: it is crucial to approach these topics with sensitivity and caution, avoiding premature diagnosis. This article is intended to increase understanding around a surprisingly common and undernamed concern – not to influence premature diagnosis, only a trained psychotherapist can do that (Nakash, Cohen, & Nagar, 2018).
That said, there are lessons for all of us to learn from the idea, whether or not we are afflicted with any diagnosable concern.
Navigating RSD and Similar Concerns
Rejection sensitivity can be influenced by countless unseen factors, including personal history and neurochemistry (Motamedi, Bierman, & Huang-Pollock, 2015). The compounding effect of routinely experiencing such reactions can further intensify difficulties with emotion regulation. Over time, this can lead to more powerful reactions to perceived criticism or rejection, creating a self-defeating cycle.
The only chance to break free from this cycle is to acknowledge it. By shedding light on these patterns and acknowledging their existence, individuals may be able to pause the cycle, step outside of it, and begin the healing process.
Healing is a key word. This is not a challenge that can be ‘disciplined’ into place. In fact, a heavy handed, purely behaviorist approach can exacerbate the issue.
The intersection of ADD and RSD calls for a compassionate and understanding approach, both from individuals dealing with these challenges and those who support them. It is theorized that the routine alignment with ADD is a product of that person being consistently battered by external expectations: think square peg routinely chipped away at to fit into a round hole. Those chips add up.
After recognizing this, it is important to see that the emotional responses experienced by those with RSD are valid, even if they may be difficult for others to fully comprehend. Remember the difference between personal truths and objective truths – the pain that comes from rejection, whether it was intended or not, is the same pain. It is real. Healing comes at two levels.
“Healing is a key word. This is not a challenge that can be ‘disciplined’ into place. In fact, a heavy handed, purely behaviorist approach can exacerbate the issue.”
At a cultural level, fostering an environment of empathy and awareness allows individuals to find the support they need to navigate the complexities of these interconnected conditions. Slowing down in moments of emotional reactivity – for all parties involved – is important.
At an individual level, the person with RSD might enlist the support of a professional to gain ownership over their own self-talk, concepts of self-worth, and skills in emotion regulation. Gaining an understanding of how early childhood events have influenced rejection sensitivity can limit guilt and shame, and provide further direction (Carr, 2013). Limiting distress and building resilience are often the focus of such support. Easier said than done, but impactful if one is willing to do the work.
And here’s the kicker: strategies to navigate RSD can hold across all realms – anyone who has engaged in personal or professional negotiation or conflict management can identify with the Scenario and Strategies below.
Does this sound familiar? Scenario:
If Samantha asks Kevin a question about a project they are working on that is behind schedule, and Kevin struggles with RSD, he might interpret this as an insult to his ability and, ultimately, his own value. He might have an intense reaction. Kevin’s challenge has just become Samantha’s challenge as well.
In situations like this, we see one of two outcomes. When Samantha’s genuine curiosity is met with emotional reactivity, that can be concerning. One outcome includes Samantha becoming defensive, stressed, even overwhelmed, and return the aggression or leave the situation. This is not effective for either party.
Samantha’s self-talk turns toward confusion, frustration, and hesitance to work with Kevin again. Kevin’s self-talk regarding rejection is further entrenched by Samantha yelling at him or walking away – he was right, he thinks, I’m no good.
The second option is for each party to slow down and agree to thoughtfully engage. They will have to talk through it. Kevin will have to regulate, then explain how he interpreted Samantha’s comments. He should then ask her if that’s how the comment was intended. Samantha then has an opportunity to remind Kevin that they are in this project together, that her question was one of curiosity not judgement, and that she believes in their shared ability to do the work well.
In this case, Samantha’s kindness enhances Kevin’s capacity for emotion regulation and resilience. It gives him an internal data point to return to in future instances, hopefully turning down the volume on emotional volatility in future situations.
“Each party will have to slow down and agree to thoughtfully engage. They will have to talk through it. ”
Within a supportive culture, raising awareness about RSD can help individuals seek appropriate support and resources that address their challenges. Awareness of the situation can guide professionals in providing tailored strategies for managing emotional reactivity and fostering resilience.
Remember that the approach in this scenario – full of healthy communication, curiosity, and shared purpose – can work for any number of situations, not just navigating RSD.
Moving Forward
Countless people are sensitive to rejection without diagnosable dysphoria. Do not overstate these ideas. In the context of human development and understanding, it is never appropriate to paint with a broad brush.
Studies, including a thorough examination of rejection sensitivity in a youth population by the National Institute of Health, note that there are significant individual differences in the developmental relationship between “social information processing biases, rejection sensitivity, and social anxiety” and note that there is likely a combination of brain structure, social context, and psychological factors (Motamedi, et al 2015).
There is no one-size-fits-all for RSD, and the demonstration of certain symptoms does not demand a diagnosis. We can all relate to this feeling.
The only path forward is for individuals to take proactive steps to address these challenges. Through increased awareness, empathy, and access to appropriate support, individuals navigating RSD can find pathways to healing and resilience.
This discussion is intended to shine a light on a situation, a condition, and possible ways to engage with it.
Here's the other thing… seeking professional support can offer valuable insights and coping mechanisms for individuals navigating the complexities of mental health challenges. Psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, and coaches can provide personalized guidance and evidence-based interventions to help individuals address their specific needs and challenges. From cognitive-behavioral therapy to mindfulness-based practices, professional support can empower individuals to develop effective strategies for managing emotions, reducing distress, and fostering resilience.
It's important to recognize that reaching out for professional help is a proactive step toward prioritizing mental well-being and working toward positive outcomes.
References
Carley, C. (2023). Understanding Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and its Connection to ADHD. Available at: https://www.relationalpsych.group/articles/understanding-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-and-its-connection-to-adhd (Accessed: 29 November 2023).
Carr C. P., Martins C. M. S., Stingel A. M., Lemgruber V. B., Juruena M. F. (2013). The role of early life stress in adult psychiatric disorders: A systematic review according to childhood trauma subtypes. The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, 201, 1007–1020.
Cleveland Clinic, medical, professional (2023). Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD): Symptoms & treatment, Cleveland Clinic. Available at: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24099-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-rsd (Accessed: 29 November 2023).
Motamedi, M., Bierman, K., Huang-Pollock, C.L., (2015). Rejection Reactivity, Executive Function Skills, and Social Adjustment Problems of Inattentive and Hyperactive Kindergarteners. Social Development 25 (2), 322-339.
Nakash, O., Cohen, M., Nagar, M. (2018). “Why Come for Treatment?” Clients’ and Therapists’ Accounts of the Presenting Problems When Seeking Mental Health Care. Qualitative Health Research 28(6):916-926.