Leading through Anxiety
We have a choice when it comes to how we think about the future. Why do we obsess over a negative future that hasn’t taken place? Why don’t we lean more toward optimism, which is the foundational piece of mental toughness?
Optimism is rooted in the present moment. By investing in the now, we are giving ourselves the best opportunity for a great future. If we are honing the skills of training our body, our craft, and our mind, we should truly believe our next choice will lead to a positive impact (Gervais, 2023). This only takes place in a consistent way if we are planted in the present moment.
Unfortunately, minds not trained for optimism wander and find unnecessary things to fear. For many, this leads to intense anxiety. Much of our anxiety is rooted in obsessing and fearing the future. This is the antithesis of optimism. The opposite of mental toughness. An indicator of an inner core in need of care. These fears are rooted in not being present in the moment. When we catastrophize the future, we make the present a miserable place to be. Not only for ourselves, but for everyone in our orbit. The very cause of anxiety is an irrational fear of a future that has yet to take place.
Things (Seem to) Fall Apart
2019 was a tumultuous one for me. I was struggling personally and professionally. My first superintendency was ending. I had dedicated four years of my life to the district. I had built hundreds of positive relationships with community members, staff, and students. Our team achieved a ton of success we believed would lead to optimal outcomes for our students. Behind the scenes was a different story. The relationship with the board of education was rapidly deteriorating. The instances of disagreement led to increased levels of micromanagement and a deterioration of trust.
Throughout my fourth year as the superintendent, I experienced an unhealthy level of anxiety due to allowing the pressure of leadership to cross into my personal life. The toxicity of the work environment began eating away at my inner core like acid.
As Simon Sinek discusses in his book, Leaders Eat Last (2017), if the leadership above you is not providing protection and cover for you to excel in your role, the result is an unhealthy organization. This was the life I was living from 2016-2019. I made the decision to leave the superintendency, as it was clear it was time for both parties to move on.
I wanted to move on, but my mind wouldn’t allow it. My inner core wasn’t strong enough due to the damage I allowed to encroach upon it.
I thought the superintendent job would lead to all these amazing opportunities. Not only did that not happen (in my mind), but I worried I looked like a failure by accepting a lower position at another district. Worse yet, I thought my reputation took an irreparable hit due to several false negative comments by the board. I couldn’t wrap my head around how we reached this point. My mind was a million miles away. My wife knew it. My kids knew it. My family knew it. How was I going to get back to the present? How was I going to rebuild my inner core?
It wasn’t going to happen with the mindset I was in. I was an anxiety riddled mess and all my focus was on the past and the perceived gloomy future. I had so many amazing things in front of me, but I couldn’t see it. A few critical moments forced me to look within. There was a day where I was having an awful bout of anxiety. I couldn’t focus on the present.
My wife Kara had the courage to tell me some tough truths. She told me my anxiety was out of control. That my worry about the future was becoming debilitating. She shared she loved me when I was a teacher, and we would be fine. It would all work out “if” I got help. If I was committed to rebuilding my inner core. She was clear with me, “We are going to find you a good therapist and get you back.” She also added, “If you don’t, you are going to lose everything.” I knew she was right.
Resilience and Growth
My inner core was fractured and in need of repair. From that day forward, we (Kara supported me the whole way) took the necessary steps to help me get back to the present. I think the investment in my inner core and moving my focus to the “now,” has worked out great! Since 2019, I earned a doctorate degree in leadership, became an interim superintendent, a college professor, and a district superintendent again! I have an amazing relationship with my two children and with Kara. It is all due to getting back to the present. A huge part of building the inner core is surrounding yourself with a supportive and loving team at home and in your career!
The reality is, we are all going to face situations in our lives that are going to be a whole lot worse than leaving a position and worrying about our reputation or finances. The situation I described, exposed a crack in my inner core created by anxiety. I allowed the pressure of my career to define who I was (performance-based mindset). Thanks to a loving family, a great therapist, and a new team at work, I was able to address the cracks in my inner core before a collapse. I am now thankful and blessed for this entire experience.
My children were also supportive part of my repair. They were my motivation to address the anxiety. I think of my daughter and her advice. One evening, I was struggling with worry and fear of the future. It was obviously very noticeable. She looked at me and said, “Dad, when I am worried about something, I start to think about something else and then I forget what I was even worried about.” I think that sums up everything my therapist taught me over a few years!
The anxiety always existed within me at unhealthy levels. The pressure of leadership only magnified it because it needed addressed.
As Dr. Douglas Lindsay shared in his book, In Your Moment (2024), “You can’t prepare for every moment, but you can prepare YOU for every moment.” You can try to hide the anxiety from the world and not get to know it. Refusing to know the anxious part of your brain, only makes it scarier. You can try to starve the anxiety. The anxious part of your mind only becomes hungrier.
It took me 40 years to accept the anxiety as a part of me and realize getting to know it, allows me to control it. We can train our minds to “think well,” if we are committed to building the skills of the mind.
References
Gervais, M. & Lake, K. (2023). The first rule of mastery: stop worrying about what people think of you. Harvard Business Review Press.
Gordon, J. (2023). The one truth: elevate your mind, unlock your power, heal your soul. Wiley.
Lindsay, D. & Balskus, J. (2024). In your moment: mastering your leadership thresholds. Outskirt Press.
Sinek, S. (2017). Leaders eat last: why some teams pull together and others don’t. Portfolio Penguin.