5 Keys to a Successful Gratitude Practice
By Jim Davis
Have you ever been so busy that you just can’t prioritize mental and physical wellness? Annoyances turn into grievances and challenges keep piling up. We should slow down a bit, right? Take a moment to get our minds in order. We know better, but can't seem to find the time…
If that sounds like you, then remember this mantra: it takes bandwidth to create bandwidth. Which means the way to a better place, where things don’t feel so stressful, will require a little effort. Harvard professor Ellen Langer notes that this sort of deliberate shift in mindset can be “energy begetting.”
Hear this, busy college professor, high-powered CEO, and parent of four: we can all find a few minutes in our day. It might take discipline and reprioritization, but everyone can create a few minutes of space. It’s true.
And if you don’t feel like you have five minutes to spare, then you are EXACTLY the right person for this article. Your wellness and your performance are at stake.
That's all the time you need to begin an intentional gratitude practice. Gratitude, referred to as a “parent virtue,” can create powerful mental and behavioral shifts, if you’re willing to make time for it.
Backed by Science
Gratitude reduces stress. How amazing is that? Cultivating a sense of gratitude shifts attention away from threat and toward safety, which dampens physiological stress responses – this shift supports parasympathetic activity linked to emotional regulation (Emmons & McCullough, 2003; Thayer et al., 2012). Regular gratitude practices are associated with better sleep quality, lower fatigue, and improved self-regulation, all of which create the conditions for sustained cognitive and physical performance (Wood et al., 2009; Alkozei et al., 2018).
Over time, gratitude strengthens psychological resources such as optimism and resilience, helping individuals recover more quickly from stressors and maintain focus under pressure rather than merely enduring it (Fredrickson et al., 2008).
How to Do It
The deliberate practice of gratitude begins with noticing. Simple. Take note of the things for which you are grateful. Big and small. If you are willing to slow down and look around, that list might be longer than you think.
For me, this ability was enhanced while studying poetry in grad school. Writing poetry made me slow down and look around with a bit more nuance. A poem might come from the subtle imperfections in the hand-made ceramic mug I sip coffee from in the morning. The tattered edges of the collar on the electrician’s shirt, or the hand-painted letter in the window of the corner store – poetry was everywhere! For Tupac, it was a rose breaching the concrete sidewalk. For the ancient haiku poets, it might be “an iris, smattered / with the droppings / of a hawk” or the sound of crickets at night in a quiet town. So, try thinking like a poet.
Slowing down to notice can allow for the process of reframing to being. Reframing can be a powerful psychological tool, as it is often the entry point for enhancing one's self-talk or beginning cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) – all circling one central idea: we have the agency to name our experience, and the act of naming influences how we experience it.
For example, on a cold winter day, one might lament the fact that they cannot freely roam their neighborhood in shorts – or you could be grateful that you can bundle up in a warm home. Cold winter mornings are a great time to sip a warm cup of coffee, be grateful for that. Do you have a winter coat? Amazing. Be grateful for that. Be grateful for the perfect excuse to stay in and read that book you’ve been meaning to get to. Be grateful for the turning of seasons, the fresh air, the snowman in the parkway… there are countless opportunities to be grateful, if you can slow down and look closely.
It might seem cheesy,
and it's not always easy,
but it is definitely worth it.
Gratitude has a ripple effect.
Slowing down to practice gratitude can change the way you experience stress, changing the body on a hormonal level. Making space for gratitude has the power to free up additional space. It puts gas back in the tank. Even when your bandwidth feels low, wedging a gratitude practice into a tough day can create bandwidth downstream. The investment will pay for itself.
And If I Don’t??
In the wrong mental state, you might find yourself in a degraded cycle of self-talk, ruminating over the concerns of the day. How many minutes (or hours) have you wasted being angry about something which, in retrospect, wasn’t that big of a deal? For me the answer is too many. Spending a few minutes to slow down, notice, and be grateful (or as one client puts it, "get my mind right") has freed up mental space in countless ways.
Gratitude not only buffers stress, but influences the way you relate to others and the decisions you make over the course of a day. Dr. David DeSteno of Northeastern University (Boston) works to identify character traits which have meaningful impacts on behavior. He has identified compassion, pride, and gratitude as an essential trifecta. Gratitude in particular, based on a 2014 study, seems to influence behavior in ways which might not seem immediately obvious… it might have the power to enhance our integrity.
DeSteno’s findings suggest that, when measured and compared to two other emotional conditions (happy, neutral), gratitude had the largest impact on the subsequent experiment, which measured integrity.
If participants were grateful, they were less likely to cheat on subsequent tests.
Turns out the deliberate creation of this grateful state has a cascade of positive impacts. No matter how busy you might feel, it is worth making time for gratitude.
On an organizational level, this is a worthwhile priority. Encouraging people to slow down and begin a brief wellness practice that expands their bandwidth, increases their creativity, and positively influences demonstrations of integrity within the company seems like a solid choice.
Once you decide that a gratitude practice belongs in your life and on your team, check out the 5 Keys to a Successful Gratitude Practice below.
Dr. David DeSteno
The Grateful Don’t Cheat
5 Keys to Successful Gratitude Practice
Research and practice point to some essential keys to a gratitude practice. There are countless ways to personalize this process, but below you’ll find 5 keys steps. Try them all – whichever combination of these keys works for you is the right one. Just give em a shot.
Intentional breathing and reflection on things you are grateful for.
Breathing first, always. If you’re having trouble focusing amid your busy day, take a breath. Then, go big to small reflecting on things you are grateful for. Big things, like family and the opportunity to work with good people, might get you going. Then go smaller, like your first cup of coffee in the morning or the light coming in through the window nourish the plants on the sill.
Recall a time someone was grateful for you.
Based on the research of effective gratitude practices, reflecting on the feeling of someone being grateful for you is more powerful than reciting those things for which you are grateful. For some, this can be a challenge. Maybe you gave someone a gift, supported a colleague through a tough time, or returned a lost dog to its owner. Think hard and find a poignant moment.
Tell a good story.
Turn the story of someone being grateful into a story. If there’s not a powerful one in your life, there are two things to do: create one by being good to others in a way that makes them feel grateful, and search out similar stories – even stories that you are not involved in can stimulate neural correlates of gratitude.
Connect it to feeling, add a mantra.
Pay attention to how the story makes you feel. Name that feeling and bask in it. Use a simple mantra, a word or short phrase, to remind you of the story. “The surprise party for grandma” or “the final scene of Armageddon” – something to remind you of the story and the state of gratitude.
Return to it regularly.
Like all things, practice makes permanent. The more often you take time to practice gratitude, the easier it becomes to reenter that grateful state.
Do it on your lunch break. Do it between classes or on your drive to work. Develop a fitness for it and you will have a way to mitigate stress and prevent it.
“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues,
but the parent of all others.”
- Cicero (100 BC)
One hundred years BC, Cicero intuited the power of gratitude. DeSteno and others are collecting scientific research to confirm it, and billions of practitioners have benefitted in between.
No matter how busy you might feel, there is always time to slow down and be grateful. And remember, the work only works if you do it.
References
Alkozei, A., Smith, R., & Killgore, W. D. S. (2018). Gratitude and subjective wellbeing: A proposal of two causal frameworks. Journal of Happiness Studies, 19(5), 1519–1544. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-017-9870-1
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.84.2.377
Fredrickson, B. L., Tugade, M. M., Waugh, C. E., & Larkin, G. R. (2008). What good are positive emotions in crises? A prospective study of resilience and emotions following the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 365–376. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.84.2.365
Thayer, J. F., Åhs, F., Fredrikson, M., Sollers, J. J., & Wager, T. D. (2012). A meta-analysis of heart rate variability and neuroimaging studies: Implications for emotion regulation and stress. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 36(2), 747–756. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2011.11.009
Wood, A. M., Froh, J. J., & Geraghty, A. W. A. (2009). Gratitude and well-being: A review and theoretical integration. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(7), 890–905. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2009.09.005
James (Jim) Davis works with teams and individuals on leadership development, culture, and performance psychology. He studied Human Development and Psychology at Harvard University and is a sought-after speaker, author, and coach. Multi-time National Coach of the Year, Jim has also received the US Marine Corps' 'Excellence in Leadership Award'. To work with Jim, CLICK HERE.